Brutal Honey

:(

2012-01-28T15:12:00.000-06:00

Life is so hard when you have a limited income. I will be saving all my pennies for the next few months. I'm sorry, but I will have to be a cheap-ass friend up until mid-March so I can make enough for a vacation and then when I get back I will continue to be a cheap ass friend to save more money for Poland.

God, I wish I made the salary I made when I was long-term subbing. Oh man, can someone please hire me for the next month or two so I can get one paycheck to pay for a small vacation and pay my bills?

*sobs quietly*

Things That Are Easier When You're in a Relationship

2012-01-27T22:42:00.000-06:00

Sex.

No, but seriously.

Sex: You can try all those "fun" things in movies that turn out to not be so fun.
Going to parties: You're never alone!
Brunch: It's a couple thang!
Overuse the phrases, "I love you" and "I miss you"
Enjoy Valentine's Day again: Oh come on, you know you like to have someone to gush about on the one day where everyone compares apples to apples.

(to be continued...)

Things That Are Easier When You're Single

2012-01-27T22:23:00.000-06:00

Everything.

No, but seriously.

Planning a trip: I want to get my money's worth and stay at a place where none of the reviews mention the beds falling apart and being run-down. Also, if this run-down place looks like a clown threw-up all over the place, then it's not really the place for me. I want to stay at a place that looks nice. If I'm not comfortable in a room I will not sleep there, so good luck dealing with a sleep deprived girlfriend.
Sleeping in Your Own Bed: Sleeping over sucks because I miss how my mattress feels, my pillows, not worrying about turning over and bumping someone and waking them up, worrying about how freezing my feet are, worrying about bodily noises (nervous tummy rumbles and my bones cracking)
Making life decisions: You can just go with the flow, but when you're dating someone you have to think about how your change will effect them. Life becomes harder when you're thinking about someone else and not just yourself.
Being Sick: Sometimes you can get away with people not even knowing you're at home sick because you're feeling under the weather. But with a significant other you might have to eventually tell them because you might have a date or something. Then they either 1) get freaked out by your germs or 2) constantly ask you how you are feeling and act like you're 5.

(to be continued...)

:)

2012-01-26T16:50:00.002-06:00

Today was a great day. Just thought I would document it. :)

:)

2012-01-25T17:03:00.002-06:00

Baked Zucchini Fries
ingredients:
3 medium zucchini, sliced into skinny sticks
2 large egg whites, beaten
1/2 cup whole wheat bread crumbs (we make our own)
2 T grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp dried basil
Pinch of dried oregano
1/4 tsp garlic powder
Salt and pepper, to taste
directions:
Preheat oven to 425°. Spray a baking sheet with cooking spray. Set aside.
In a small bowl, beat egg whites with a fork until frothy.
Put the breadcrumbs, basil, oregano, garlic powder and cheese on a plate-I used a pie tin. Mix well.
Dip the zucchini sticks in the egg whites and then into the bread crumb mixture, make sure all sides get coated well. Place the sticks on the prepared baking sheet. I did the sticks one by one.
Bake at 425° for about 20 minutes or until golden brown and a little crispy. I turned over the fries half way through. Serve warm. We like to dip ours in marinara sauce.

Two Become One!

2012-01-25T17:01:00.002-06:00

Edamame Guacamole
ingredients:
1 cup frozen shelled edamame, thawed
1 ripe avocado, peeled and pitted
1/2 cup chopped cilantro
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 onion, roughly chopped
1/2 jalepeno, finely chopped
Juice of 2 limes
2 to 3 tablespoons water
Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
directions:
Put edamame, avocado, cilantro, garlic, onion, jalapeno, and lime juice in the bowl of a food processor and pulse until combined. Add enough water to make a creamy consistency and pulse again. Pulse until smooth. Transfer edamame guacamole to a serving bowl and season with salt and pepper. Stir. Serve with chips or vegetables.
*Note-this guacamole is also good as a spread on sandwiches.

Will be making this soon!

2012-01-25T16:58:00.000-06:00

Grilled Nachos
Yield: Serves 4-6
Cook Time: 5-7 minutes
ingredients:
Tortilla Chips (we used Homemade Baked Tortilla Chips)
2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1 (15 ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 large tomato, diced
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
1 large mango, diced
1 jalapeno, sliced
1 large avocado, diced
1/4 cup sliced green onions
directions:
1. Preheat grill on medium heat.
2. To assemble the nachos: Place a single layer of tortilla chips on the bottom of a grill tray. Sprinkle Monterey Jack cheese on top of the chips. Sprinkle black beans over the cheese. Add another layer of chips and top with more cheese and black beans.
3. Place the tray on the grill, and cook for about 5-7 minutes or until cheese is melted. Remove the tray from the grill and top the nachos with the tomatoes, cilantro, mango, jalapeno slices, avocado, and green onions. Serve immediately.
*Note-feel free to add your favorite toppings-sour cream, guacamole, chicken, salsa, etc.

Making this tomorrow!

2012-01-25T16:56:00.002-06:00

Queso Dip
Yield: 2 cups
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes
Easy cheese dip made with white American cheese, Pepper Jack, onion, jalapeño, poblano pepper, cilantro, and tomato. Serve with tortilla chips.
ingredients:
1 tablespoon canola oil
1/4 cup diced white onion
1 medium jalapeño, diced
1 medium poblano pepper, roasted and diced
10 ounces white American cheese, shredded (find this cheese at the deli counter)
6 ounces Pepper Jack cheese, shredded
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup freshly chopped cilantro
1 roma tomato, seeds removed and diced
directions:
1. Heat canola oil in a medium sauce pan over medium-high heat. Cook the onion and jalapeño pepper until softened and reduce heat to medium-low. Stir in the roasted poblano pepper. Add the shredded cheese and milk. Stir until mostly melted.
2. Stir in the tomatoes and chopped cilantro. Serve with chips immediately.
Note-if you plan on serving this at a party, you may want to serve it in a crockpot so the cheese stays melted.

Good News

2012-01-24T21:44:00.002-06:00

I still have 2 jobs! I am thankful!

Hm...

2012-01-24T17:09:00.003-06:00

I'm a little nervous about work today, but I have ultimately decided that either way things will be fine. In a weird way I am content with either option. A part of me wants my evenings back, and I'm sure that because I wrote this things will stay the same.

Flowering Ideas

2012-01-23T19:53:00.001-06:00

I had a good day today. Something completely unexpected happened aside from being called into work, so I am a little in shock, but it'll pass and things will be back to normal.

As a side note I looked at the contract I signed for job2 and I need 10-12 people minimum to teach the class, but I think I may be an exception because my class is kind of a special case to begin with. We will see tomorrow when my boss comes. In the end, if he cancels the class and tells me I am not working this semester I will be bummed because I am planning on taking a trip and I really needed that money. On top of that I just sort of like having a bigger income. However, more free time wouldn't be terrible and if that's what happens nothing I say or do will change things. If that's the rule they want to enforce then they can enforce it.

If it happens I will start looking for a new evening job. I would really love working as an official adjunct professor. And someday I will be one or a professor. It has always been my goal. But for now I am fine with building up my resume.

All in all, I'm pretty confident my job won't get cut this 8 week session. I am about 85% sure everything will be fine. I'll admit that a little piece of me hopes that it is cut, but that's just because I would like an excuse to find another evening job that pays more.

Yes, money has become an obsession.

This is confusing...

2012-01-23T10:58:00.001-06:00

I was going to get my tires checked today because I assumed that I wouldn't be working. Today is the start of the 2nd semester so I usually don't get called in. I was going to work out and get my tires checked out but now I am not going to be able to have a full day off until Friday.

So, I have to split up these two things.

TMI

2012-01-22T20:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I take medication that girls take when they're active. You know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, the side effects are terrible. When I wasn't on this medication I was a different person so I am starting to look for ways to combat the biggest side effects I have from it: depression & low-drive. I have researched a lot on this topic and I think I am going to start working on becoming a healthier, more stable me.

Tip 1: Take care of yourself

In order to overcome depression, you have to take care of yourself. This includes following a healthy lifestyle, learning to manage stress, setting limits on what you’re able to do, adopting healthy habits, and scheduling fun activities into your day.

Aim for 8 hours of sleep. Depression typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthy sleep habits.
Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day. Lack of sunlight can make depression worse. Make sure you’re getting enough. Take a short walk outdoors, have your coffee outside, enjoy an al fresco meal, people-watch on a park bench, or sit out in the garden.
Keep stress in check. Not only does stress prolong and worsen depression, but it can also trigger it. Figure out all the things in your life that are stressing you out. Examples include: work overload, unsupportive relationships, taking on too much, or health problems. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can make a plan to avoid them or minimize their impact.
Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.

Tip 2: Eat a healthy, mood-boosting diet

What you eat has a direct impact on the way you feel. Aim for a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.

Don’t skip meals. Going too long between meals can make you feel irritable and tired, so aim to eat something at least every 3-4 hours.
Minimize sugar and refined carbs. You may crave sugary snacks, baked goods, or comfort foods such as pasta or french fries. But these “feel-good” foods quickly lead to a crash in mood and energy.
Focus on complex carbohydrates. Foods such as baked potatoes, whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, oatmeal, whole grain breads, and bananas can boost serotonin levels without a crash.
Boost your B vitamins. Deficiencies in B vitamins such as folic acid and B-12 can trigger depression. To get more, take a B-complex vitamin supplement or eat more citrus fruit, leafy greens, beans, chicken, and eggs.
Consider taking a chromium supplement. Some depression studies show that chromium picolinate reduces carbohydrate cravings, eases mood swings, and boosts energy. Supplementing with chromium picolinate is especially effective for people who tend to overeat and oversleep when depressed.

Tip 3: Yoga and tai chi for stress relief

Yoga involves a series of both moving and stationary poses, combined with deep breathing. As well as reducing anxiety and stress, yoga can also improve flexibility, strength, balance, and stamina. Practiced regularly, it can also strengthen the relaxation response in your daily life. Since injuries can happen when yoga is practiced incorrectly, it’s best to learn by attending group classes, hiring a private teacher, or at least following video instructions.

Thoughts on the disintegration of my entire being

2012-01-22T17:10:00.000-06:00

Anyone who gets involved with me is going to have to understand I have a little bit of emotional baggage.
I know I am not easy to deal with.

I grew up with a father who did not think too highly of me. I have this feeling that he's a really broken person and he needs to feed off of making other's feel poorly about themselves so he feels like he has power. Anyway, as sad as it is I sort of got used to hearing him tell me hurtful things. While I know a lot of them weren't and aren't true--they still hurt because this was my father saying all these things. Sometimes if people jokingly tell me something negative about myself I sort of freeze and take it because that is what I would do when my dad would say something. I know being passive like that isn't good, but with my dad there is no arguing. He has a nasty temper and it's better to just keep quiet and wait out his tirade.

He's better now, more sympathetic, but he never said sorry for all of the things he said and put my mother and me through. I guess I'm fine with that.

Anyway, I never really had a good idea of what a good relationship between two people was like. During my childhood I don't remember my parents yelling at each other or being sad, but I was so young. The point is, what I remember is them being apart and my dad being an a-hole. So, I guess when it comes to relationships I want to make perfectly sure that I am with someone who is nothing like my dad and won't do the things my dad did---ever!

This made it hard to find long-term boyfriends and when I did have long-term boyfriends (how does this even happen?!) I would (and still do) analyze everything to make sure I wanted to move on with things. I will freely admit that moving to the next step---marriage---scares the Bejesus out of me for two reasons:

My mom will live all alone and that makes me sad. I don't want her to feel lonely all the time and have no one to talk to.
I don't have a full-time job or even the two that I have don't pay well enough to make me feel stable.

Number one really hits me hard. I cannot even think of a way for it to not be depressing. I know I don't see her often when I go to work 14 hours a day. I see her for maybe an hour and a half total in those cases. I know that she is slowly getting used to me not being home so often. I know I could call her every day, several times a day and talk. I know I could have coffee dates with her every weekend or even spend an entire day with her during the weekend so she is not alone all the time. I know that eventually I will adopt a dog for her to have so she has some sort of thing to busy herself with.

I worry that she will stop living. I'm worries she won't cook healthy for herself and just sit at home wondering how she ended up alone in the world. I know she knows how life works and that children move out and get married and start families. I know she knows all of this, but I cannot help but feel like I am abandoning her. I wish she was more social and had more friends.

Deep down this is preventing me from moving on and no matter how I try to make it sound okay to move on I can't help feeling like I am abandoning the only person in my life that has had my back, that loves me unconditionally....I feel like I am losing the best friend I have had for 26 years.

I know this all sounds dramatic, but I cannot help feeling like this and yes it is holding me back. Sometimes I wish I had friends who had single parents who could tell me how they coped with this feeling. I feel like if I had someone to talk to who has gone through the same feelings and found a way to not feel so bad about it---well, I would feel more content and feel better about moving on with life.

On being a grown up woman

2012-01-22T12:23:00.001-06:00

Two summers ago I bought a bag in Poland because my aunt desperately wanted me to buy myself something. I like having bags and options for my outfits, but I really like having one tote-like bag where I can cram in a bunch of my things (wallet, hand sanitizer, hand lotion, makeup, etc...). So I bought a brown tote bag and loved it! Sadly it is coming apart and has some battle scars on the outside (nicks and scratches).

Well, my boss gave me a Macy's gift card for Christmas and I figured I would get a bag. I wanted to get a bag for free (or at least just pay shipping). So I browsed for about a week and decided to finally take the plunge and get one that I have had my eye on. The thing is I have never spent more than $20 on a bag, so it feels weird spending $50 on one, but I don't shop at Macy's so I I knew I wanted to get one thing and be done.

I am now an owner of a bag that costs just as much as gas for my car. Thank you, employer! :)

2012-01-22T09:42:00.001-06:00

I've been lazy about making the smoothies, but I'm planning on making a whole batch on Monday and freezing it. Hopefully I can drink it every day a week.

I need to lose weight without exercise because I will be working 2 jobs and won't have time to workout. I want to lose like 10 pounds by March, but will be happy with 5.

SNOMG!

2012-01-20T16:33:00.001-06:00

It just keeps on falling...

Green Smoothie

2012-01-20T11:40:00.001-06:00

The verdict is in: I like it. I was really surprised by the flavor because when I lifted the lid I was a little nervous. It smelled like something I would use as a sauce for food and not as a drink. But man, it is tasty.

The picture makes it look neon green, but it's not that green. I feel healthier already. :)

Heart Ache

2012-01-20T08:54:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I believe that, "Love will tear us apart". I'm reminded of all the stories where people love each other, but love other things more so love for other things tears them apart.

The lyric "Is it something so good that just can't function no more" hits me hard every time I hear it. I think of a relationship that was seemingly good, that just crumbled for no reason. It crumbled because it had just run it's course.

And what scares me about all of this.... What scares me about love and relationships is that something good can just crumble for no reason. It doesn't have to be because someone did something unspeakable. It can be because of absolutely nothing at all. It can just slowly turn into being comfortable, dormant.

What scares me is being in a relationship where things just fizzle out. Where you no longer love the person in the same way---now---you love them as you love a really good friend. What scares me is that love is not constant, that relationships are not iron-clad, that emotions run dry.

With no example of a good relationship to guide me, what else am I supposed to expect from love but disappointment? Why am I constantly waiting for an ending? Why am I waiting for LOVE to tear us apart?

Vegetarian Dishes!

2012-01-19T11:27:00.000-06:00

Black bean & Sweet Potato Tacos

Szechuan Noddles

Curried Eggplant and Quinoa Burgers

Alternate Smoothie Recipe

2012-01-19T11:17:00.000-06:00

Look at all that green!

Don’t be scared. Really.

Healthy Green “Limeade” Smoothie Recipe

PRINT Recipe

Ingredients

1/2 english cucumber, sliced
1/2 avocado
2 handfuls baby spinach
3-4 limes, peeled (adjust to desired amount)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
liquid stevia to taste
6-8 ice cubes

Directions

In blender, add cucumber, avocado, spinach, lime [all three, but peeled], cinnamon, stevia, ice and blend on high until smooth.

If it’s too think, I’ll add about 1/2 cup of cold water.

Once it’s all blended, pour into a large glass and enjoy!

I will be making this for an entire week and seeing what effect it has on my life

2012-01-19T11:15:00.000-06:00

Green Smoothie
Yield: 2 servings
Prep Time: 5 minutes
This simple Green Smoothie is a great way to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. I promise it is delicious and nutritious!
ingredients:
1 large orange, peeled and segmented
1/2 of a large banana, cut into chunks
6 large strawberries
2 cups spinach
1/3 cup plain Greek yogurt (I use Chobani 0%)
1 cup ice
directions:
1. Put all of the ingredients in a blender and puree until smooth. Pour into glasses and serve.
Note- Make sure you use a powerful blender that will puree the orange, spinach, ice, etc. I like to store one serving of the smoothie in the freezer for later. Pour in an air-tight container and freeze. Make sure you take the smoothie out of the freezer about 30 minutes before you want to drink it. You can also store the smoothie in the refrigerator.

2012-01-19T11:02:00.001-06:00

Anchor - Zee Avi

Click the link below to listen:

http://ewasaysso.tumblr.com/day/2012/01/19/

List of Places I Want to Visit in the next 2-4 years

2012-01-18T22:13:00.001-06:00

*Portland
*Toronto
*Cozumel
* Denver
*New York

Work

2012-01-17T22:08:00.002-06:00

First day back teaching the evening classes. :)

New Computer

2012-01-14T17:03:00.000-06:00

Hello new computer tower. I will treat you with tender love & care. I also like that I customized you for my specific needs/wants. I didn't go all out and get every feature because 1) I am not made of money and 2) I don't see a purpose for getting TV tuner or other things of that nature. In fact, if the blu-ray player didn't come standard on this model I wouldn't have gotten it. I have one on my laptop and never use it.

Anyway, I hope you are easy to set up and I hope I can remember how to set up my home network again. :)

In writing: Say a little prayer

2012-01-12T22:36:00.001-06:00

Starting today I am going to say the DM Chaplet (Rosary) every day. I will not limit myself to a time period, I want to honor saying it once a day.

Prayer helps calm me and I think that positive prayer will help me think positively about this year.

Day 1 complete. :)

If you can, send a little prayer my way.

SNOMG!

2012-01-12T14:23:00.001-06:00

street addition

Major Fail

2012-01-10T11:13:00.000-06:00

I had every intention of going to the gym today. I had my workout gear ready and made a fruit shake.

The only problem is I couldn't find my workout bag....the one that has my membership ID in it so I CAN GET IN!!!

Freaking-A! Now I'm fumbling around trying to find my stupid bag. I might as well just work out at home because I have to go grocery shopping at noon so I can start prepping for dinner.

I might just go for a walk/jog later and go work out tomorrow. At least for the remainder of the week I can go for 2 hours each day to make up for lost time & next week during the day I'll have time to go.

Where did my bag go? Grrr!!

Goals: Job Edition

2012-01-10T10:17:00.001-06:00

In a week I will be working my second job again. In a way I am happy for it because I am slowly running low on money from my last paycheck, but when I think about all the evenings I will be working hard for I get a little sad. I guess if I was making what a Masters degree graduate should be making as a teacher I wouldn't really be complaining. I should be getting paid $30 an hour, but I'm not. I am a little pissed because I know a similar school pays $5 more than I am getting paid, but not $30. At any rate, I wish I was getting paid at least what I'm worth. I mean the whole reason of getting a higher degree is to get paid more and I'm getting paid as much as a colleague who doesn't even have a teaching degree. I'm just saying...

I still would not be making enough in that second job to be satisfied with my yearly salary, but it would be a lot more than what I am currently making. Now, if I could find a TA position somewhere and add it to a $30 an hour salary with my evening job I would totally be happy. Granted I would still not be making what someone with my education should be making, but I would be making a little over $20, 000 a year and that's something I could live with until I have enough experience to be an adjunct professor, a full-time ESL teacher, or something of the sort.

My main goal is really just to have 1 job whether it be evening hours or day hours. Working two jobs that barely allow me to pay my bills each month is kind of ridiculous.

My goal and wish for 2012 is to find a full-time education related job that pays a decent amount of money to where I don't need a second job. I hope that it is fulfilling and a stepping stone for bigger and better opportunities. :)

*for the short time I was employed as a LTS I was paid around $40 an hour, which is what my degree and experience require. I'm just saying...

Awkward Moments of 2012: First day of work Edition

2012-01-09T14:10:00.001-06:00

That awkward moment when your previous supervisor doesn't know how to act around you because it has been over a month.

That awkward moment when the lights turn off because you are sitting and texting and someone peeks in to see if the room is empty but sees you in the dark.

That awkward moment when you're working on the first day back and people don't understand who you're here for so they drag out the word, "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii?"

Not relevant to today...

2012-01-08T18:27:00.001-06:00

The Joker creeps me out. I am stuck at this one point in the game where you have to sneak around these guard and attack a specific guy and I can't figure out how to pass it. Granted I tried twice and gave up, but ya' know!

Weekend Update

2012-01-08T17:28:00.002-06:00

I'm watching the SYFY version of this and really liking it.

Leftover PUNANG CHICKEN CURRY & JASMINE RICE from BIG BOWL.

Listening to music and movies with BEATS AUDIO installed on my computer sound system.

List of things to do in 2012:

2012-01-06T15:29:00.000-06:00

Find a full-time teaching job.
Go sledding and not care at all.
Play in the snow like I'm 11 again.
Look for jobs and not get discouraged.
Stop caring so much about life not panning out.
Focus on friends and family.
Understand timelines (it hasn't been a year since I graduated).
Focus on ME---relax, unwind, and vent when I get stressed.

Lunch

2012-01-06T11:51:00.001-06:00

Veggie bagel
Salt and pepper chips
Iced coffee (french vanilla)

Bits of Truth... all quotes: .02056

2012-01-05T00:21:00.000-06:00

Bits of Truth... all quotes: .02056

Bits of Truth... all quotes: .02070

2012-01-05T00:19:00.000-06:00

Bits of Truth... all quotes: .02070

Hmm, I wonder

2012-01-04T17:06:00.000-06:00

I wonder if I will get paid in January? I will find out on the 15th, but man that seems like a long time to wait to see if you feel confident about a purchase you made a month before.

I will be happy to see at least a $400 dollar deposit around that time. I'm just saying.

Yes.

2012-01-04T13:27:00.001-06:00

♔

2012-01-04T00:16:00.001-06:00

.

2012-01-04T00:15:00.003-06:00

Truth

2012-01-04T00:15:00.001-06:00

2012

2012-01-01T23:52:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I'm hoping that this year is better than the last. Although a few good things happened in 2011, a good handful of bad also happened. And the bad things were sad, depressing, tragic, and stressful. So, here's to the reverse happening---more good things and minimal bad (nothing major only tiny/minor bad things).

Here's to a better year for everyone!

Nerves

2011-12-29T19:59:00.001-06:00

I lesson planned a bit today. I made two lessons and started on a third one on grammar, but I decided to cut it short because grammar lessons are hard for me to plan.

I'll plan some more tomorrow and on my other days off so that I'm ahead of the game once work starts up again. I'm already really nervous about work. I think I can plan out almost the full semester in the following week after New Years.

2011-12-29T16:25:00.001-06:00

This time last year I was writing my thesis. Sometimes it feels like much longer. I feel like it has been years since I graduated. I graduated in August---it hasn't even been a year. I guess this is why I get so upset over not finding a full-time job and having to work two part-time jobs that barely make ends meet.

If there's one thing I wish I could achieve in the next year is to find a full-time job that makes me happy. I just have to pull-through the bad days when I get down on myself and be patient.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to say a couple of extra prayers, though. Please pray for me.

Teenage crushes still hold true

2011-12-29T13:44:00.001-06:00

Oh, he grew up to be exactly my type. Oh Rider, move next door and give in to me already!

God, he's still gorgeous!

2011-12-29T13:40:00.001-06:00

http://api.twitter.com/1/users/profile_image?screen_name=onthestorm&size=original

2011-12-29T10:44:00.001-06:00

Such a relaxing view.

New painting

2011-12-29T10:42:00.001-06:00

My mom and I bought a new painting yesterday. I think it fits the new color of the wall really nicely. All we need now is to sell the piano, get an electic fireplace, and we're set.

Light.

2011-12-29T10:41:00.001-06:00

Candle light.

Stuff

2011-12-27T16:39:00.001-06:00

I just sold $100 worth of things that I don't use.
I feel really good about getting rid of unnecessary things,
Even more so I am glad to have made $100.
I'm sure I could have tried to get more for my things, but I would have had to hope that someone would want to pay a lot more for used things. I highly doubt I would have made more than a couple bucks more on each item. No more than $200 in total, for sure.
A lot of what I sold was given to me by ex-boyfriends and the other stuff I purchased myself

About time...

2011-12-27T15:15:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you just need to update what you have...

:)

2011-12-25T19:32:00.001-06:00

My new crush. He is gorgeous in Country Strong.

On random Christmas cooking...

2011-12-25T14:09:00.001-06:00

I'm making pizza. Our Christmas Eve dinner was so good that dad took a ton of food home and mom and I are left with a few leftovers that will only last us until dinner. So, for tomorrow we'll have the pizza from tonight.

It's just cheese this time, but it's stuffed crust so it's not all that 'simple'.

Side note

2011-12-25T13:22:00.000-06:00

As a side note, I wish I had a puppy.

Christmas

2011-12-25T13:17:00.002-06:00

For the first time in a long time I got a nice haul for Christmas. I got a lot of unnecessary things, but they all came from people who love me and said that I have worked so hard for things this year that I deserve to feel like royalty.

So, I love my family and friends and I hope their gifts bring them as much joy as their gifts brought me.

GTFO!!

2011-12-24T05:00:00.000-06:00

Sleeping in. I have waited for this day for an entire month!

Also, I don't care if it is Christmas Eve and we have guests coming. :)

Le sigh

2011-12-23T12:19:00.003-06:00

I actually miss work and the kids (not all of them, though).

They were super sweet on my last day and that's how I want to remember them :)

Final Countdown!!!

2011-12-22T01:00:00.000-06:00

Last Day!! 3:15 cannot come fast enough!!

I be hauling butt outta this mother! Whaaa!!!

The funny thing is that Tuesday I was nostalgic about leaving, but Wednesday I couldn't wait to leave.

:)

2011-12-21T20:55:00.000-06:00

In other news, my mom made vegetarian chili according to my directions and it was delicious! She added quinoa and it was DA BOMB!

I have been slowly playing this game:

2011-12-21T20:54:00.001-06:00

Pretty fun so far.

.... .... ....

2011-12-21T13:32:00.001-06:00

So tired of feeling taken advantage of. I try my hardest and it's never enough. Well, until I regain some sort of dignity I'm done giving a shit.

Oh my

2011-12-20T10:39:00.001-06:00

Sometimes people just need to talk. To anyone who will listen. To anyone who cares.

I had to talk today. Perhaps this wasn't the ideal person to talk to, but I had to talk. I needed some input and they told me what I wanted to hear: "Think about yourself and then think about the big picture."

Right now I think that I know what to do.

Ugh

2011-12-19T14:20:00.001-06:00

The kids kinda get when I am upset with them. I just get quiet and don't smile. They notice, but they don't really care. It's just, it is the last week and it is movie week so for the grace of God can they be quiet and not play on their cell phones during the movie?

I mean, is that really too much to ask? I don't think so.

I am almost done grading their papers. It helps that a majority of my classes are small and that I corrected a lot of the papers already. So those I just skim for corrections and see if they corrected what they were supposed to and then I use the rubric to grade. Very simple, very easy. I only have one more class left, but I also need to add some grades for some assignments from last week.

Then I need to write a detailed note about the past month or so and print and email that sucker to the head teacher. I should be fine after those things are done. I might actually be able to read during my break.

As a side note it is terribly cold in this room and my feet are freezing. Also, I need to go to a meeting after work which pertains to my other job and I need to hand in all the grades and stuff. I should bring in the books and other stuff too so I'm not just driving there and back anymore then I have to.

No other news, I guess.

Countdown

2011-12-19T01:00:00.000-06:00

Last 4 Days!

This week almost doesn't count because we're watching movies all week!

So technically, no more days left. No prepping, no teaching, just sitting back... :)

Sweet Things: The Boyfriend Edition

2011-12-18T11:54:00.000-06:00

When I have a bad day I think of you.
I'm glad I have a girlfriend.
You make the days worth getting through
You make me a better man
Seeing or talking to you is the highlight of my day
I'm glad we found each other

OMG--Delicious Finds!

2011-12-18T10:46:00.001-06:00

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/portobello-burgers-with-goat-cheese/detail.aspx I am sort of on a vegetarian kick lately. Not really in the mood for meats or seafood. Anything with goat cheese is amazing. Yum!
Veggie bagel--Alfalfa sprouts!! Oh yeah, buddy!

Korean Snacks I'm craving:

2011-12-18T00:11:00.000-06:00

The last hour...

2011-12-16T14:22:00.001-06:00

I still have 4 days left at this job after this last hour goes by. Of course, it being Friday and the week before break everyone is a little anxious and hyper.

I am really worried that my class will cause havoc as usual in the lab today. They are terrible sometimes. It is just three guys who muck up everything.

I am tired, and hungry, and cranky and there is no way I want to sit through 45 minutes of students typing and goofing off. I just want the day to end. I would love to pay someone to hit a fire alarm and cause us to leave school early. I wouldn't care about the consequences.

I have a ton of grading and office work to do for my second job so I'm going to let that be a priority this weekend. Any free time-if any- will be devoted to sleeping, eating, and being lazy. Next week I will deal with the tasks of the first job.

Okay, I gotta go. Time to suffer.

Sounds delish!

2011-12-16T14:16:00.001-06:00

Shrimp Dip

Countdown!

2011-12-16T03:00:00.000-06:00

4 more days, and they're all movie days!!! Yeah buddy!!!

If it wasn't Advent I would be doing a long dance routine right now.

2011-12-15T17:16:00.001-06:00

Cannot wait to play some games soon. And-no- I didn't get an Xbox. I just got a controller for my laptop.

2011-12-14T14:13:00.001-06:00

I am so nervous for the next few days in the lab. So far today has gone okay, but I'm worried about 9th period. Hopefully they are on their best behavior because there will be another class there with us. I'm worried about 2 particular students.

M is for mom.

2011-12-13T09:53:00.001-06:00

What's really tragic is when you hear about a young person who lost their parent. You remember how you acted when you were their age- a teenager. You didn't always show respect. You left the house angry and thinking negative thoughts. You never really appreciated all the small things.

Then that person is gone forever. You can never go back and say you're sorry or tell them you love them to their face. Today, a students mom got hit by a car in front of school and passed away. It just made me so sad for the student to lose their mom so quickly and so suddenly and right before Christmas.

My heart aches every time I think about losing my mom, ever. I want to be 89 before that ever happens. It's selfish, but I don't know how to go on without the most important person in my life. I worry about her daily and make sure I take care of her the best I can.

I get angry that she didn't have me sooner because then I could be older now. As morbid as it sounds, I would be closer to my own death and feel like I wouldn't be without her for long.

I remember one evening when she was supposed to pick me up in the evening from a class at UIC. She didn't come and my dad kept calling my cell asking why she wasn't picking up the home phone. I tried her cell and she didn't answer that either. I panicked. I had visions of her dead in various places in various accidents and tragedies. I took the train and bus home. I barely made it on the last bus. I got off and ran home as quickly as possible and I saw her car in the drive way. Visions of her immobile at home somewhere filled my head. I started crying. I started thinking about where i'd live. I almost had a nervous breakdown.

She locked herself out of the house and left everything inside: keys, phone, purse, everything. She was in the garage waiting for me to get home. She didn't even have any change to find a pay phone and call me.

I was so relieved I cried.

Unnecessary

2011-12-12T10:18:00.001-06:00

I am working on a project for work that I will not even be here for. I sort of feel like they won't even use my ideas even though I think they're pretty fun. I guess we'll see.

Anyway, I am pretty much full of anxiety due to this week being the last week of class for my evening class. I will be administering the final exam Tuesday and Wednesday so it should be pretty low-key for me.

Then I can come home and rest next week. That just sounds like heaven to me right now. Oh, GLORIOUS DAY!

In other news, this is also the last week I have to teach and wrestle with behavior problems because next week is movie week so it will be super low-key and chill. God, I cannot wait for next week to come and be over with.

This weekend was pretty good overall. I was super tired and my side was killing me so my mom got me some heat pads. They work, I guess? My muscles feel less tense, but they still hurt. I guess it would be nice if I didn't talk so much and cough. Oh well...

I cannot wait to be on break. I have already planned that I am going to play video games for a couple of days because I spent some time playing them this weekend and I realized how relaxing they can be. I think I will buy Skyrim and give it a try. I also want to buy some other games but don't know which ones I would enjoy. I like RPGs the best, but we'll see. My laptop is pretty decent so I'll put them on my external drive as to not slow down anything.

Also, I am selling my camera and Nintendo DS. I want a new camera and I don't use my DS so I figure I should sell it and get some money. I will save the money from my DS and spent my camera money on a new camera.

Well, that's it. I have to get back to work.

Countdown!

2011-12-12T02:30:00.000-06:00

9 more days!!

Things I need to Do: A List

2011-12-11T10:01:00.001-06:00

Go Christmas shopping.
Put together 21 test packets.
Plan to hang out with my lady friends.
Buy a dress for NYE.
Relax.

Random thoughts

2011-12-10T10:09:00.001-06:00

I have been itching to take pictures ever since the snow stuck to the ground on Friday. I was driving to work in the morning and I was driving by a forest preserve with a river running through it and I thought: "Wow, this is beautiful. I wish I could stop and take a picture."

I like my camera, but it's definitely hit or miss with taking pictures. I may need to upgrade and sell my old one. We will see. :)

Weekend Update with Tina Fey.

2011-12-10T09:39:00.001-06:00

I have a pain in my side from coughing. It has been keeping me up the last few nights because my muscles feel bruised or something. I really have no idea what is going on with my side pain.
I have one full week of actual teaching left and then movie time for four days after!!
I have final exams to prepare this weekend for my evening class. I am lucky I started earlier on them and have most of my copying done.
My Tablet Cover came in the mail yesterday. I can finally take my tablet in a read during my free periods, which might actually be a possibility this week because my evening class is taking their final exam. The cover came with a laser pointer/ stylus. It's okay, but pretty big and bulky, so I don't think I will dump my current stylus which is compact and effective.
I think I will ask them how many people are going to attend on Thursday because if it ends up being a handful it is almost not worth going and having people drive out when half the class didn't make an effort. It might be a bust and I'll just cancel class after I ask them on Wednesday if anyone will come.
Hmm, not much else to report on except I'm tired and things are going O.K. at work. I am definitely itching for time off. I think just the fact that a break is coming up makes me anxious for a break because in reality

PLEASE!!!!!

2011-12-10T03:30:00.000-06:00

Is it too much to ask for a snow day? Come on!! The weekend is not enough.

Lunch and Dinner

2011-12-08T14:04:00.001-06:00

I had a cream cheese and jam sandwich for lunch and I am waiting for an appropriate time to click send and on a Chiptole order I made online at the closest Chipotle by work.

I know this may be "against web rules" or something, but ithis is food so I really don't see it being a crime to order food for pick-up. If I had a family I think that this would be a legitamate use of the internet because I am trying to save time.

And with my mom not making anything for dinner on account of her being sick I think this counts. So there.

Countdown

2011-12-07T02:00:00.000-06:00

12 More Days Left. We're almost at the 10 mark.

Minus 4 days for movie week.

2011-12-06T17:07:00.001-06:00

I have to go to work in about 10 minutes. I should, at some point after work buy poster paper from Jewel or something. It doesn't need to be like super huge, but not computer paper size. I have to get---about 8 posters in case some people want to work alone or make a mistake. This is for job # 1. I don't care that this is coming out of my own pocket.

In other news, I am tired but generally feeling fine about job #1. I think being sick made things 10x more miserable for me. I'm still excited to finish and every day brings me closer to the last day. Thank God!

Well, I am going to get going in a bit. I am throwing around the idea of going to get poster before work, but I really need to prepare for today's lesson since I don't know what I'm teaching...

My mind is a mess right now!

Love me some brussels!

2011-12-06T13:47:00.001-06:00

dijon-braised brussels sprouts

Gonna make this sometime soon too. Man, I wish I didn't work all day long so I could have time to cook...

This sounds amazingly delicious.

2011-12-06T13:41:00.001-06:00

Savory Bread Pudding with Morels and Beet Greens – Recipe

I may make this when I have a free weekend or at least when I finish work after the 22nd. Yum!

I like the 4.0 and the price, but it looks like it might crash...

2011-12-06T13:31:00.001-06:00

Ainol launches the NOVO7, the world's first Android 4.0 tablet, for $100 plus shipping

Countdown revisited (this is not a pre-post)

2011-12-05T21:48:00.001-06:00

13 More Days
- 4 days for movie days
___________
9 days of actual teaching left

It will be better once the 15th ends. I can go home after each day of work. Of course, I will just run out of there like I do every day. Woo-woo! Oh yeah!

Mundane Monday

2011-12-05T13:53:00.001-06:00

The day is almost over. I still have a bit of time before I can go home, but I finished up some grading, made copies, and wrote up tomorrow's plan on the board.

I feel like I am ahead of the game right now. What makes Mondays and Fridays awesome is being able to go home and relax. The rest of the week I have to scramble from one job to the other. Soon, Mondays won't be like that. I will be working Monday-Thursday in the evening. In a way it is good because I get paid more, but it really doesn't make that much of a difference.

At any rate, I hope my evaluation goes well in a couple of weeks and they leave me on. It's not that I don't think I do well or that my boss has given me any indication otherwise: I just worry because I really like this job. By January it will be the only consistant job I will have.

Well, that's it for right now. I just want to rest my eyes a bit before the next period begins at 2:25.

Countdown

2011-12-05T09:53:00.000-06:00

14 Days Left. Seriously? I hate how slowly time is going by.

Minus 4 days for the movie week....

Chance of Tired: 100%

2011-12-04T10:50:00.001-06:00

I have had a ton of fun all weekend, but today I am worrying about the following week because I'm lesson planning and such. I don't like doing all my work on Sunday because I end up not being rested and relaxed on Monday and thus---not relaxed the whole week.

Oh well, I just have to remember I will be on break in a couple more weeks, so I will be free from worrying or stressing until January 16th. God, an entire month off! I will definitely hit the gym and relax and be stress free for as long as possible. I cannot wait for December 22nd to get my vacation started. I guess that Thursday I will go and buy gifts, which---this year---will be all gift cards. I don't think anyone really cares anymore. I will, however, buy everyone a small little extra gift and some Christmas goodies (food) just for good measure and because I want to.

I still have to figure out what to get my mom. I want to get her either earrings or a necklace. Maybe both?? I should browse Amazon for ideas.

14 More Days

2011-12-02T10:22:00.001-06:00

After today--which is going well so far, but it is still way too early to conclude anything-- there will be 14 more days on this job.

6 days will be left on my second job and that makes me so sad. But what makes me sadder is that there are 14 more days left of the first job. Hah! I really can't wait for the double jobs to end because I honestly think that life will be less stressful (and it will be).

In other news, we got a little tech reminder about not abusing the computers and internet. So, because it would be a truly stupid reason to get fired I will stop abusing the computer and use my phone. I may bring my adapter so I can use my phone to watch movies or browse the web.

On another note I never got my case for my Tab. So I'm going to complain on Monday and ask for a refund. I am ordering a new case today from another company. It is more expensive and not exactly what I want, but it will have to do for now. I would like to bring my Tab to work so that I can read or play games or do things that don't require wi-fi.

I am so happy it is Friday! Yesterday was surprisingly good. I prayed twice about work and it was much improved. I'm going to pray today too--in a bit-- and see if the rest of my day can be stress free.

In other news, I am tired and may cut out of SantaCon early so I can go home and sleep. Or I will just cancel Sunday plans so I can sleep in and rest. Ahh, relaxation--how I need you so much.

Well, that's it. Time to browse for covers for my Tab.

December the First

2011-12-01T10:25:00.001-06:00

So, I made it. I'm done with BEDiN. Like I said yesterday, I am going to continue blogging throughout the entire time I am on this stupid job. Hey, come on now!

I just caught up with grading. I guess that's nice. I also need to review the lesson for this evening's class because I need to double up today.

I will probably do that later today. Right now I just want to veg out and relax. I should have turned off the lights for full effect. Damn. Maybe I can sneak them off? Or not. Whatever.

Yes, this post is random.

The Ocean

2011-11-30T11:30:00.000-06:00

I really don't feel like typing this on my cell phone mostly because my fingers always hurt because I tend to write a lot. Today is the last day of BEDiN. I will probably continue to type on a semi-regular basis only because it really helps to just get everything out.

Today the other teachers commented on my being sick. Mostly they just said, "It sucks teaching while you're sick" and one teacher said, "Just take a sick day and get a sub." I nodded and said I might. They have been asking me how things are going and I was completely honest with them: I told them that working two jobs has been really hard and that I have been rushing around from place to place without any sort of rest. Someone said something about burning out that way. Another teacher inquired about my evening job as she is looking to teach adult classes.

I told her the details and when she asked me how much I get paid she said, "That's nothing." I sort of wanted to say something like, "Well, it's more than I get paid as a sub" but I didn't think she would care either way. So, basically everyone allowed me to have a "woe is me" moment and there's basically nothing I can do about my situation. Although---as I said before---I am very tempted to just goof off online and hope that someone is monitoring what I do and I get called out for lolly-gagging and they decide they should find someone else. I know I should be grateful and stop complaining, but I just can't.

I have said this over and over again: I am miserable. I just want to come home and sit for a bit. When I was subbing day-to-day I had full days, but I knew that I could take a day off or get another class if I wanted to. Here I feel stuck because I am. I cannot say how much I regret taking this position. Not only is it too much to handle, but it is clearly ruining my life. I will admit that my social and love life have suffered a lot lately and I'm not just talking about not going out. I'm talking about ignoring, neglecting, and snapping at people I love. I know that the people in my life understand, but I feel bad.

I keep hearing all this bad news from other people that is far worse than what I am going through. I feel guilty for complaining about my stupid issues and general depression. I cannot help it. I am so stressed out.

There are 16 days left, minus the 4 where I show the movie. So far, I have managed to stay on task with everything that needs to be done: following the lessons, grading, reports... But man, 16 days seems like much when I look at the calendar. Even the actual 12 days I need to physically teach something is a lot. It will continue to seem that way all the way up to the final 4 days where all I will be doing is showing movies.

I cannot wait for December 15. I will at least me able to come home that week and the following weeks early. There are 11 days left until the 15, but really there are 8 days left until that week begins and I can relax a little. Now, remember: my countdown is weekdays only, so there are a lot more days involved. I don't count weekends because they are when I can sleep in and relax.

I have done a good job about not worrying about work unless I am at work. I can at least praise myself for that.

God, 16 more days. I feel like time is standing still. I just want to get everything over and done with. And I swear if things get prolonged I will probably just implode.

Happy Reading!

Dead Moon

2011-11-29T10:21:00.001-06:00

The lights just turned off in the room I'm in. They're on a motion detector. I am typing on my cell phone right now and listening to music.

I don't care to stand up and have them turn on. I will just sit in darkness. If anyone comes in I will tell them I am sick and the lights hurt my eyes so I like them off during my free periods. Also, it looks like I am not in my room so that keeps people away. I don't dislike the people here, but I don't feel like being part of the team. I just don't feel like talking to anyone.

In other news my mom told me this morning that if this was school she would have me stay home. I am probably an idiot for coming to work yesterday and today when I have been sick for a week and I still feel sick, achy, and tired. What good am I?

I also love how nobody is reminding me about anything. I guess they are assuming I read emails and such. If it wasn't for my cooperating teacher I would not have known that the reports are due soon. Yeah, soon.... what does that mean? Oh and today I get an email that the window to input reports closes at 3:30. Lucky I did them all yesteday... geez.

Anyway. I will probably just meander through today and the rest of this week and not take a sick day because maybe I will just feel better in a day or two. But why should I even feel guilty about that?

I think too much.

I am Android obsessed.

2011-11-28T17:50:00.001-06:00

CyanogenMod 9 Gets Early Preview on Nexus S, Galaxy S

Cool

2011-11-28T17:33:00.001-06:00

Rumor mill: next gen Xboxes + Kinect 2 to read lips, track fingers, make unicorns real

Bad Decision

2011-11-28T14:12:00.001-06:00

While I am not nearly as sick as I have been today was probably not a good day to come to work. First of all, I am coughing up a lung. Second, I am in a terrible mood. Third, I am probably still contagious. Fourth, it is my birthday.

I have worked on my birthday before and it wasn't a big deal, but today I just feel like it was a bad idea. I hope I get everyone sick because I'm still contagious. Of course none of the teachers is around for me to complain. I was really hoping one of them would notice and scream, "Go home and rest!" I am coughing without covering my mouth because this is how much I don't care. This is sad, but I feel like this is good payback.

This is no new news, but ever since I started this job I have been on edge with everything and everyone. I just snap. I really hate how this makes me feel. I am convinced it is just the stress of it all. I should never have taken on two jobs like this so early as a teacher. This is how a person gets burnt out too quickly.

And lastly, I am legit sick. I am coughing every minute or so because of a tickle in my throat. I am tired and achy and it hurts just to talk sometimes. I hate the fact that none of the kids care that I am sick. Sometimes I forget that they don't care about anything but themselves.

So, in conclusion so far my day has been terrible. Here's to 26 years of life. If this is how the next year is going to be I may just cry. Hopefully, my evening will be better.

I guess as a side note I got a lot of FB messages and personal texts from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. My mom wished me all the best and it made me teary-eyed because I know she knows I am having a tough time now.

Yesterday I poured my heart out to her. I cried about every little thing that has been weighing on my sould lately. She just held my hand and let me rant and cry uncontrollably until I was empty. I really needed it. I told her how guilty I feel for hating on life because I have it pretty good compared to other people. She told me to just get it all out and it was okay that I was feeling that way. She said that she understands how it feels to not feel like you have control of things. She told me that it was okay to feel sorry for myself now, but to not let it go on too long.

She's right. We control our feelings and I want to hang on to this bad mood because I don't like where I'm at right now. I could easily take things less seriously, but I don't want to. I want to wallow and pout and scream, "Woe is me!!" At the same time, I can't really help but feel down about work. Everything else is generally okay and this one thing keeps me down. I just have to focus on disconnecting my work feelings for my feelings for the rest things. I need to learn how to do that.

My fingers hurt from typing this on my cell phone, but I can't stop this stream of consciousness.

One kid asked if at the end of the semester I could make them hot coco to show how much I love them. I told him he was being presumptious. I couldn't take it. Why would I give of myself to please them when they have done nothing to be rewarded for? Another reason why I feel taken advantage of.

God, I really need some solace. I cannot take 18 more days of this. (I have one class left, the day is as good as over...) I honestly need help finding the good in each day or I will turn into a bigger cynic than I already am.

Bloggiing isn't really helping me feel better, but it allows me to vent. I guess that's something. Anyway, I need to go shopping after work today so maybe I'll weasel a meal out of it. I don't think I'm even hungry, but Chipotle just sounds like a good idea.

And I think I'm done for today. There are 2 more days of BEDiN. I did pretty well overall.

Happy Birthday to me.

2011-11-28T05:00:00.000-06:00

Cheers!

I'm 26.

Countdown

2011-11-28T01:00:00.000-06:00

19 Days Left of Actual Teaching.

Minus 4 days of movie watching the last week there.

Notice:

2011-11-27T14:22:00.001-06:00

I am not counting down the days left of my second job. Yeah, that speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Anyway, just because I mentioned it: 9 Days Left on 2nd Job