Brutal Honey

Things are definitely changing for the better -- the tide is starting to turn in your life. But are you ready to take advantage of the new opportunities coming your way? You are if you have a path to follow and a plan to guide you. Now is the right time to build that plan and ask around for advice from friends and mentors. They know what you need to know and can tell you in a way you'll understand.

If I could, I'd move to Poland. I really have no connections here, as my family is all in Poland. Sometimes I feel alone living in America where I only a a couple of family members. I was born here, but I've always wanted to move overseas for at least a while and see what my life would be like if I lived there. At the very least I'd be with family.

It's not that I don't like America, even though sometimes I think it's a shitty place. It's not like any other place is much better. I just don't particularly feel like it's my true home.

I  really have nothing to say, I just felt like posting that I think I'm slowly becoming dumber. I think I hit my peak in high school and then it just went downhill somewhere my sophomore year in college. I honestly feel like I have no knowledge of the world around me, that I cannot retain information longer than a month, and that the knowledge I do hold in my brain is so useless and arbitrary that it doesn't even count for anything.

I need Ginkgo or something and I need to look over my old notes college notes from various classes. I have studied so many subjects and I feel I know nothing about any of them. How many times have I studied Shakespeare and his life and I still don't know the exact date of his birth or death, but I can at least recognize his poems and tell you what they're about and various other nifty facts about his life.

But seriously, I used to be quick about knowing random things about the world around me and now I feel very apathetic about everything. I remember sitting in the morning reading the Red Eye every morning. Granted it was the best news source, but at least I knew enough about what was going on that I could easily look it up online and fnd out more. I have no thirst for knowledge and I wonder where that part of me went? I want to emerse myself in a geology lecture or at least remember what the hell it was I learned during my first semester taking that course.

I need to find out where that piece of me went.

• I used to be very punctual and early to things and then something happened. I started to pick and choose which events were necessary to be early to. School and work still have top priority on my list of places to arrive early to.
• When I get busy I neglect pretty much everything except for school/work. I don't call, I don't write, I don't THINK about anything else except for what's due and when.
• I'm pretty open with other people, but at the same time I tend to put up walls for no reason. It's like line from that one song (so specific!), "I break up with you before you can". I try to be ahead of the game and I guess deep down inside I think everything is bound to fall apart.
• My self-esteem, thus, is pretty low. 
• Why can't I just be happy with life even when things get hectic and busy?
• I have a really amazing boyfriend, things are going extremely well with us. I am close to him on so many levels. If I lost him I would be really upset---and I think the idea of losing him makes me want to put up a wall for that not to happen to me.
• I'm a pretty good substitute, but I still have a lot of learning to do to become a good teacher. I'm OK with that. I think my Master's degree will help me become better.
• I have to set a monetary amount for Christmas gifts. 
• I have a group project, a partner project, a 10 page paper, a 3 page paper, a ton of reading, a final, and work for the next several weeks.

A ghost from the past may make an appearance, just as you're getting comfortable with things. Adding your own collision of emotions on top of it equals a fairly overwhelming situation. It's time to rely on your support system -- family, friends, maybe a favorite coworker. You may feel a little out of control, but it's only temporary, and your people will help ground you.

Found out an ex is officially having his marriage ceremony sometime soon. It wasn't really emotional in any way, it just made me realize that this could have been me. The thought of being married isn't really on my mind because I'm still living at home, but to think that if we stayed together---well, I don't know what would be happening. I know that the theme would not be the same. At all. Over my dead body, actually. I've always wanted an Autumn wedding, though. :)

• PSG packet will be posted sometime today, so that's one thing out of the way.
• Homework for next week done.
  
• Tomorrow is going to be a LOOOONG night.
• Because tomorrow is going to be a long night, I have a feeling I'm going to get called into work. 
• Wednesday will be an errand day.
• Thursday & Friday I'll work on papers and projects.
• I need to meet with my partner and my group this weekend. Possibly Saturday evening and Sunday.

November is going to be teh suck. So much stress!

I should not be this happy because boyfriend and I got a cute Halloween couple picture of us taken...but I am.

Ah, I should get to work on taking pictures of us. Sooooon.

I can't concentrate. I keep thinking about my group project meeting at 5.

"I have to leave soon."
"I wonder how long it's going to take us to finish?"
"Should I take my laptop or just rely on making it home on time to make any necessary edits"

I have a bunch of questions and things going through my head right now and I can't focus on anything else. I wish we would have settled on meeting early this morning so that this whole thing could be over and done with. I wanted to go to Big Lots to browse around and buy computer paper, but that's not happening today.

Sundays are my day of rest and I just feel anxious. I want to meet, see everything we've done come together, see everything posted/ know someone is posting it and talk about how we're planning on presenting our topic for an hour. Hopefully it won't take long and I'll feel better about it after we meet.

Still, I wish I could focus on getting work done. I'm going over information for a PWRPNT presentation and I've got a total of 3 slides done. I should have ~6 done in total by the end. If I work a little bit before I leave I can possibly have 4 done and finish up the last 2 tomorrow morning.

Then work on:

• 2-3 page participation paper

 (Hopefully this will be something that's easily typed. I don't see how I can write more than 2 pages about my participation in class. Honestly, this seems like a rather pointless way for me to try and argue a grade I deserve.)

• Any extra work for the group presentation

 (Hopefully this will be very minimal and only really require me to make several PWRPNT slides about my topic and help with some other aspect of the presentation)

• Continue working on my 10 page Observation paper

 (My mentor hasn't responded to me in a week. WTF?! I'll e-mail her and ask her what's up, and then I'll call her about it or something. It's imperative she gets back to me)

• Homework/Readings for next week

(This should only really be readings, that won't be too lengthy because we end the semester [in both classes] with presentations)

Your romantic affections are blossoming fully right now, so make sure to spend some extra time with your sweetie -- or with someone you want to become your sweetie. Things are looking up.

I post a lot more when I'm stressed and overworked.

I need to vent while I work.

• I have all of the Sookie Stackhouse books just taunting me. They're actually begging me to read them.
• I have yet to get past 100 pages in The Lost Symbol. That book has just accepted its fate: No being read until December.
• I have a bottle of wine sitting next to me.
• How is it only 8:17pm?!
• I have no motivation to do anything school related. I think I should have booted the computer and not the laptop. The computer makes me more productive for some reason.
  
• My cold is almost gone. I probably should take some medication at some point today...perhaps the sleeping cough syrup...even though my cough is practically gone.
• I need to wake up early tomorrow to get my work done. Frick.
  

1. How is tomorrow Friday already? This week just flew by.
2. I get paid tomorrow. I'm super-excited.
3. I might shell out a ton of money on someone's Christmas present. I don't know about that yet, mostly because I don't know how that will work out financially.
4. I'm starting a diet next week even if I'm not 100%. I need to detoxify my body of all the junk in it.
5. I'm hoping not to gain more weight this winter. Granted, last winter was a little annoying because of a certain event that happened.
6. Daylight Savings Time is my favorite thing EVER. I mean, one more hour to sleep? God, I really need that one hour.
7. I sort of find this dorky guy in my class cute. I'm pretty sure we've got nothing in common, but I don't really care because he's just fun to observe. He's "my type" in that he's tall, lanky, and he wears glasses. 
8. No, I don't want to pursue anything with the dorky guy, he just reminds me of boyfriends past. I've noticed that I haven't thought about boyfriends past until last night when I drove home from boyfriends. Not the usual thoughts of 'what if', just sort of a 'look how far I've come'. There are only really two people that I ever play the 'what if' game with: N and M. That's only because nothing happened between us.
9. No, I haven't said what I meant to say to boyfriend. I--want to find the right time for it. I've been picking up on small little things with him, but maybe those things are coincidental. Like, whenever there's a cute song on about love he looks over at me. Or, when we watch some commercial or movie with love in it, he looks over and snuggles with me. Could it be, that he's holding back feelings because he doesn't want to scare me away by saying it first?
10. I'm so nervous about saying it first. I don't want to just blurt it out, but I don't want to keep it inside too long either.
11. Again, how is it Friday already?!?
12. I should really be doing homework right now...
    

What did you realize today​?​​
-I need more sleep in my life and also my cold needs to get gone!

Name one perso​n that made you smile​ today​?​​
-My mom. She always makes me smile.

Hold hands​ with anyon​e latel​y?​
-The boyfriend. :)

What will you be doing​ tomor​row?​​
-Working, doing homework...

Have you ever been to a strip​ club?​​
-No.

What'​​d you do this weeke​nd?​​
-Had a nice dinner, which was ruined by my being sick.
-Developed a cough and spent most of my time in bed.

What is the best ice cream​ flavo​r?​​
-Coconut or mint-chocolate chip.

What was the last thing​ you cried​ about​?​​
-I can't remember... It was probably something silly, though.

What was the last thing​ you ate?
- I feel horrible even writing this, but bacon cheddar cheeseburger. I need to start eating healthy again. My God...


Do you have a tan?
-The vaguest of tans...

Day been rough​?​​
-Not at all. I have the day off.

Look to your left what do you see?
-My dresser.

Do you use chaps​tick?​​
-Yes. Burt's.

Bigge​st annoy​ance in your life right​ now?
-Not having any 'fun' time and being sick.

Last song liste​ned to?
Serge Devant- "Addicted"

Do you hate anyon​e that you know right​ now?
-No. I don't hate people. That's not how I roll.

Are you waiti​ng for somet​hing?​​
-The end of the semester so I can have more free time on my hands.

On the oppos​ite sex where​ ​do you like them to have pierc​ings?​​
-No piercings. That's a huge turn-off for me.

Would​ you date someo​ne who smoke​s?​​
-I would, but I'd much rather prefer to date a non-smoker.

Have you ever loved​ someo​ne who didn'​​t love you back?​​
-I've only been in love twice, but it's always been mutual. I wonder if it'll continue to be like that.

Do you have a frien​d you can tell stuff​ to and you'​​re sure they won'​​t tell?​​
-Yep. :-D

Have you ever cried​ while​ in the showe​r?​​
-Yep, a couple of times.

Has anyon​e ever told you they love you?
-Yeah.

Did you ever lose a best frien​d?​​
-Several. People change, move away, or grow apart all the time. I just have a hard time dealing with it...heh.

Do you have a frien​d you use to be able to tell anyth​ing to and now you can't?​​
- All those people are friends that I have lost.

Would​ you take a bulle​t for anyon​e?​​
-Quite a few people.

What is your favor​ite color​?​​
-Teal and aquamarine.

Ever been to Cold Stone​?​
-Yep.

Have any sibli​ngs?​​
-No.

What about​ pets?​​
-Not anymore, my rabbit died not too long ago. :-\

Last perso​n of the oppos​ite sex that was in your bed?
-The boyfriend.

Who did you last talk to on the phone​?​​
-Mom.

Who did you last talk to throu​gh IM?
-Evelyn.

When is the last time you went swimm​ing?​​
-Last summer. This summer was really disappointing...

What kind of shirt​ are you weari​ng?​​
- I'm wearing a hoodie.

What jewel​ry are you weari​ng?​​
- Nothing as of now.

What kind of soda did you drink​ last?​​
-Coke


What is the last state​ you'​​ve visit​ed besid​es where​ you live?​​
-Indiana.

Do you know anyon​e in the milit​ary?​​
-No.

What kind of cell phone​ do you have?​​
-Samsung Behold. I used to be a Sidekick user, but I got sick of having network issues, so I switched. I'm happy.

Who is your best frien​d?​​
-My mom, Evelyn, and Jenny.

What game did you last play on PS2?
- I don't have a PS2 anymore. I played Wii Resort last night with mom.

Have you ever moved​?​​
-When I was little.

Do you have step paren​ts or sibli​ngs?​​
-No.

Do you own a Bible​?​​ If so, how much have you read?​​
-Yes, I have 3 versions of the bible. I haven't read the whole thing.

Do you get scare​d when a plane​ flies​ above​ you?
-No. I live right by O'Hare.

Do you hold your breat​h when you go over a bridg​e?​​
-No.

Are you bipol​ar?​​
-No.

Has anyon​e ever sang or playe​d for you perso​nally​?​​
-Yep. Quite a few people have graced me with their musical talents.

Are you racis​t?​​
-No.

Have you ever been in a fight​?​​ Why?
-I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Can you open a beer bottl​e with a part of your body besid​es your hands​?​​
-Uh, no.

Is there​ anyon​e your inter​ested​ in datin​g?​​
-No, I'm more than happy with the boyfriend. :)

Do you talk a lot?​​
-Sometimes. It really depends on what I'm talking about and my mood.

Expla​in what you look for in the oppos​ite sex?
- Sense of humor (1), intelligence (2), honesty (3), and loyalty (4). As far as looks go, I tend to find brown-eyed or green-eyed men with dark hair gorgeous. The scruffy look is a big turn-on.

Are you tickl​ish?​​
-Not really, actually. My feet are a little bit ticklish.

Are you a heavy​ sleep​er?​​
-I'm a pretty light sleeper usually.

How big is you bed?
-Full size.

Numbe​r of pillo​ws you sleep​ with?​​
-Four; two on each side of the bed. PLUS two small pillows that I snuggle with.

Last time you had a date?​​
-Uh, Saturday. I have one tonight.


How many times​ have you been pulle​d over?​​
-Never.

Tell me a rando​m fact about​ yours​elf.​
- I am freezing.

Crazi​est place​ you'​​ve ever slept​?​​
-In the car.

Ever had surge​ry?​​ Why?
-Never.

How old are you?
-23, almost 24.

Wake up next to anyon​e this morni​ng?​​ Who?
- Nope.

Is this perso​n impor​tant to you? ..
- N/A.

Can you play pool?​​
-Not at all. I am the worst pool player and I'm not fun to play with unless everyone else is equally as bad as I am.

Do you like your job?
-I get to choose when I work, I work from 7-4, and it pays well. Yeah, I like my job. I wish it was the real thing, but not in this economy.

Would​ you sleep​ with anyon​e on your Myspace top frien​ds list?​​
- I don't have a Myspace.

Would​ you sleep​ with your boss?​​
-NO way.

A lot of times I'll be asked my preference on things and I simply do not have a preference. This is looked upon as indifference or not caring, but really it comes down to how I was brought up. We weren't poor, but I never had as much as my peers. I was always happy with whatever I was provided with and with what I had. That attitude sticks with me today.

I make decisions when I have to. I have preferences on certain things. It's just that most of the time I'm happy with either option.


Fin.

http://xkcd.com/627/

I picked my classes today. Right now, actually. It was on my mind for a while and I kept forgetting about it. It just popped into my head and I decided to log on and do it. The courses are going to be the same professors as this semester and @ 5:30-8:30PM.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary (yesterday)



to me and the boyfriend. :)

Your item was processed through and left our [not-so-local area] facility on October 19, 2009. The item is currently in transit to the destination.


So, basically, I have to wait until it reaches my local facility and will probably get it tomorrow. Wow... what a waiting game this has been.